Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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