Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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