Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
