In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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