So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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