You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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