I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
