why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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