i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
