Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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