you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
