I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I understand Curling. That high.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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