Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
