Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
