Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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