so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
