the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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