Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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