Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
no you cant smoke seaweed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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