you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
