saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
