sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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