Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
