she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
