Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
