If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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