Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
