If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
