nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
