I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
