Your mouth is God's brothel.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
