When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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