Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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