You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
