Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
