He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im six kinds of drunk right now
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
