I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
