Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
