i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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