Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
