im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
