the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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