i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize