so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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