Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
