The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're a waste of cheezeits
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
