Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize