In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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