That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
