I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
