She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
