So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
