So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
