Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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