Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My vagina is officially offended.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
