We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you win again, gameday.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Randomize
