I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
