I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
