I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
