my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
