I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
