I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Non-Jews are for practice
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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