i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
