If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
