I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
there is glitter all over my balls
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
