I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He felt like a one man threesome
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
