Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
