Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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