happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
