That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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