please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize