I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
