imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
