with your own penis?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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