What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize